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<pre>
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{{aspie}}
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[[File:Ironholds.jpg|thumb|right|We weren't joking when we said he was sexy as fuck.]]
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{{morphquote|OKEYES|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
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|I'm Autistic, having Aspergers Syndrome, [[I have a 140 IQ|i have an IQ of 145]], an Eidetic memory to do with sounds and am lucky enough to suffer from Bipolar disorder.| ''Ironholds suffering all the diseases that come from too much Wikipedia''
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|I met him a few years ago in London. He struck me as a sad character, quite bitter that he had trained as a lawyer, but had only been able to find probate work, which he was contemptuous of, and which he [[Implying|implied]] was beneath his talent and his dignity.| [http://wikipediocracy.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f{{=}}14&t{{=}}2572 Peter Damian] |Our legal or operations teams are not driven by community consensus, and the chances of us releasing the information are....infidecimally small.|[https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title{{=}}Wikipedia:Village_pump_%28technical%29&diff{{=}}prev&oldid{{=}}564229827 It's "infinitesimally" you idiot]
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}}
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'''Oliver Keyes''' (going by the street handle '''"Ironholds"'''), is a notorious [[TOW]] vandal, disgraced Wikipedia sysop, and the pimp-daddy of [[Freenode]], scoring every bitch that dares chat in his vicinity of e-masculinity. His lifetime dream of working for [[Wikimedia Foundation]] already being accomplished, he now spends his golden years unleashing anger in public IRC channels, and then having his rage elevated once he realizes people may remember his words and/or actions.
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Ironholds later [[YHBT|deleted his userpage because of this article]]. He was also [http://www.examiner.com/article/wikimedia-foundation-s-oliver-keyes-stripped-of-administrator-status de-adminned] after evidence of his Wikipedia vandalism surfaced at an ArbCom case.
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==Ironholds x Fluffernutter==
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[[File:Fluffernutter.jpg|thumb|right|His top-bottom bitch]]
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[[File:Fattysex.gif|thumb|EDiots theorize this is how it looked]]
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At one point Ironholds shacked up with fellow TOW admin and known [[cougar]] '''[[Wikipedia:User:Fluffernutter| Karen "Fluffernutter" Ingraffea]]''' at her home address of 24 Foxhill Lane Ringwood, NJ whilst he was staying in the USA. He was quick to slip her some GHB, and began getting to work on her overweight ass. She being under the influence of multiple dissociatives, could not think her actions through properl
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1f56
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y and thus shared his exploits in the public #wikipedia-en channel. This was obviously a very good idea.
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{{story|<pre>
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19:57:22 < tyw7> Ironholds: I think Fluffernutter_ is currently afk
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19:57:27 < tyw7> see Fluff|laptop instead
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19:57:49 < Ironholds> tyw7: she's sitting next to me and I just slapped her arse
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19:57:51 < Fluff|laptop> yeah, he's talking to the wrong me
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19:57:51 < Ironholds> trust me, I know
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19:57:57 < Fluff|laptop> no he didn't
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19:58:00 < Fluff|laptop> he has terrible aim
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19:58:03 < Fluff|laptop> he poked me in the hip
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19:58:12 < Fluff|laptop> and now he just pinched my ass
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19:58:19 < Peter-C> O_O
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19:59:11 < Fluff|laptop> you'd think he'd have figured hiow to slap asses by now, but nooo
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19:59:51 < tyw7> why is he slapping your ass?
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20:00:00 < Ironholds> tyw7: we're fucking
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20:00:02 < Fluff|laptop> why not? we DID say we're bored
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20:00:06 < tyw7> O_o
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20:00:12 < Ironholds> I mean, we're not fucking right now
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20:00:15 < tyw7> Ironholds: you are fucking Fluff|laptop
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20:00:16 < Fluff|laptop> Ironholds, see, no one believes you when you say that
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20:00:17 < Ironholds> but as a general principle, we fuck
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20:00:24 < Ironholds> tyw7: jeremyb didn't believe me either
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20:00:29 < Ironholds> and we kissed in front of him and everythign
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20:00:30 < Fluff|laptop> jeremyb practically rolled his eyes
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20:00:33 < tyw7> you two are married?
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20:00:37 < Fluff|laptop> baahaha
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20:00:37 < Ironholds> tyw7: no, we just fuck
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20:00:51 < Fluff|laptop> marry me, darling. we can drive each other insane for eternity
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20:00:54 < tyw7> what would your wives/husband say? or are you single?
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20:01:02 < Fluff|laptop> we're single
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20:01:05 < Logan_> omai
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20:01:19 < Ironholds> tyw7: dude, I'm TWENTY
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20:01:22 < Fluff|laptop> haha
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20:01:23 < Ironholds> I'm not married
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20:01:27 Resfirestar is now known as res|starcraft
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20:01:34 < Fluff|laptop> he's not married, he's just a babydaddy
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20:01:39 < tyw7> Ironholds: really? I'm 18!
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20:01:46 < tyw7> how old are you Fluff|laptop
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20:01:49 < Ironholds> tyw7: well, nobody's perfect
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20:01:50  * Fluff|laptop grins
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20:01:52  * Courcelles never knows what is erious in this channel.  Ever.
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20:01:58 < Logan_> erious?
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20:02:00  * Fluff|laptop is far too old to be sleeping with Ironholds, let's just say
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20:02:39 < Ironholds> Courcelles: we are actually being serious
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20:02:47 < Ironholds> oh dear GOD THIS PRESENTATION IS DULL
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20:02:53 < Ironholds> fuck this, I'm going for a smoke
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20:02:56 < ^3^> You could leave?
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20:02:59 < ^3^> Oh, nvm
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20:03:06 < Fluff|laptop> Ironholds: do you think it will move them along if i make a show of falling asleep on your shoulder?
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20:03:10 < Logan_> Ironholds: I thought you quit
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20:03:16 < Ironholds> Logan_: quit what?
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20:03:19 < Logan_> smoking
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20:03:25 < Ironholds> Fluff|laptop: try going BOOOO! GET OFF THE STAGE!
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20:03:29 < Peter-C> OMG Ironholds and Fluff|laptop need to get an apartment >:(
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20:03:34  * Fluff|laptop looks shifty, suddenly decides she's a smoker if it means i can get out of here for ten minutes
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20:03:36 < ^3^> Or a motel.
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20:03:36 < Ironholds> Logan_: then I applied for a WMF job and tripled my stress levels
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20:03:40 < Logan_> heh.
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20:03:41 < Ironholds> Peter-C: we've GOT one. It's hers.
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20:03:44 < Fluff|laptop> ^
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20:03:49 < Peter-C> :O
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20:03:50 < Fluff|laptop> brb
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20:03:59 < Peter-C> Fluff|laptop has the dominant role in this relationship
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20:04:09 < Logan_> you could have the marriage at the WMF headquarters
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20:04:30 < tyw7> Ironholds: are you typing while in the meeting?
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20:04:34 < tyw7> Say hi to Jimbo for me
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20:04:35 < Peter-C> Logan_ - Jimbo could be the priest!
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20:04:39 < Logan_> haha
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20:04:52 < Nascar1996> ...
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20:05:00 < Logan_> I declare you WikiHusband and WikiWife.
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20:06:40 < tyw7> Ironholds: say hi to all the wikipedians for me ;)
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20:10:26 < Ironholds> back
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20:10:29 < Fluff|laptop> Peter-C: oh, if only you knew
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20:10:37 < Fluff|laptop> Ironholds: we should photograph my bruises
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20:10:41 < tyw7> Ironholds: who else is there at the meeting?
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20:10:49 < tyw7> Fluff|laptop: and make it public domain?
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20:10:51 < Fluff|laptop> lol
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20:11:02 < Fluff|laptop> i have a rather spectacular one on my forearm
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20:11:29 < NA_0> Bruises? What did I miss?
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20:11:40 < tyw7> NA_0: Ironholds pinching and slapping Fluff|laptop
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20:11:41 < Fluff|laptop> <_<
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20:11:49 < Fluff|laptop> there's been very little pinching
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20:12:11 < Fluff|laptop> or slapping, for that matter
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20:12:29 < tyw7> and romping... :D
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20:13:05 < Ironholds> romping, lots of that
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20:13:08 < Fluff|laptop> hee
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20:13:10 < Ironholds> Fluffernutter looks like she has hypothermia
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20:13:16 < Fluff|laptop> ...?
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20:13:37 < Ironholds> all blue
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20:13:46 < Fluff|laptop> most of them are yellow and purple at this point
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20:13:50 < Fluff|laptop> you've fallen behind
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20:13:58 < tyw7> how can you romp in a Wikipedian meeting?
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20:14:17 < Fluff|laptop> tyw7: you don't want to know what he just suggested to me in pm
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20:14:36  * tyw7 fluffs Fluff|laptop
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20:14:43 < Fluff|laptop> ew
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20:14:46 < Fluff|laptop> hands off
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20:15:05 < Ironholds> tyw7: blowjob in the stairwell
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20:15:13 < Fluff|laptop> i said he didn't want to know, dude
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20:15:24 < tyw7> lol O_o
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20:15:27 < p858snake|l_> ironholds has alot of experience in that dept >.>
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20:15:43 < Fluff|laptop> the stairwell is very creaky
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20:15:56 < Peter-C> p858snake|l_ - giving or reciving?
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20:16:08 < Fluff|laptop> also i kissed him on our way up the stairs and he was all "omg why are you touching me ew"
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20:16:48 < p858snake|l_> Peter-C: I don't think it matters when you are talking about Ironholds <.<
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20:16:53 < Fluff|laptop> lol
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20:16:55 < Fluff|laptop> so true
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</pre>}}
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To further the hilarity, while she was in the UK and performing ''more'' sex acts at Ironholds' home (46 Love Lane Pinner, Middlesex) Fluffernutter was turned down a much needed ride to the airport by Ironholds because he simply [[Wikipedia|had better things to do with his time than give a ride to the woman that just sucked your genitals]].
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==Don't Be a Dick==
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{{quote|[19:58] <Ironholds> You should however have instead taken your pen, punched a hole in her windpipe and looked on as her attempts to wave for help got increasingly feeble.}}
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{{quote|<Ironholds> actually, Jimbo gets massive amounts of pussy thrown his way}}
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{{squote|[12:19:35 A] <Sophiie> hi, can a page be undeleted just to see what it once was?
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[12:19:47 A] <Ironholds> Sophiie, fuck off and die
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[12:19:50 A] <Ironholds> thank you}}
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{{squote|[01:46] <Ironholds> it's 6:46am here and I'm insulting you using words you clearly don't understand
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[01:46] <Ironholds> I think I win.
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[01:46] <Ironholds> Anyway, now we're both in agreement that I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire - but would in all other circumstances - I shall bid you adieu. I can go back to work, you can go back to...whatever it is you do}}
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{{squote|[01:51] <Ironholds> I am trying to demonstrate how much I want you to leave me the fuck alone and never come near me again
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[01:51] <Ironholds> I hope we're clear on this
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[01:51] <Ktr102> i have fucking noticed
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[01:52] <Ironholds> swearing doesn't suit you, deary
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[01:52] <Ktr102> ...
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[01:52] <Ktr102> night
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[01:52] <Ironholds> it's like seeing a mongrel do algebra}}
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{{quote|[00:06] <Ironholds> he is a narrow-minded beardy fuckwit who understands half of what he's talking about and can communicate maybe a quarter. If you gave me a copy of his book I would choose to eat it before I chose to read it. He thinks that the gendergap is all about gender. Fucking moron|on [[Wikipedia:Joseph Reagle|Professor Joseph Reagle]]}}
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{{squote|02:26 < Ironholds> I had to download it illegally because of their bullshit regioning
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02:26 < Ironholds> result:
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1ffa
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they are poorer and I still have the damn music
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02:26 < Qcoder00_> Ironholds: OMG You evil pirated stuff?
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02:26 < Ironholds> ESTABLISHED MUSIC INDUSTRY PLAN: WORKS FLAWLESSLY.|Oliver Keyes|WMF employee admits to piracy in #wikipedia-en}}
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{{squote|[20:22] <+Ironholds> badmachine, I'm not in any kind of relationship with the declining sysop. Shut your pie-hole.
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[20:22] <badmachine> lol
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[20:22] <+Ironholds> indeed, for the longest of times she wanted to break my neck
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[20:23] <badmachine> what a thing for the community liaison to say
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[20:23] <+Ironholds> I'm here in a personal role}}
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{{quote|<Ironholds> me, you and Dragonfly spent 20 minutes working out if it was physically possible to suck that many cocks in that period of time
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<Ironholds> in my experience it is}}
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{{squote|01:12 < TParis> Ironholds: You silly guy<br>
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<nowiki>01:12 < TParis> You gotta revdel the edit in the middle too: http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Gun_politics_in_New_Zealand&oldid=561596433</nowiki><br>
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01:12 < TParis> *shakes head* Can't ever give you OS tools...<br>
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01:15 < Ironholds> TParis: oh, sod off. Kiefer needs his rubdown.<br>
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01:15 < TParis> Well, you grab the oil, I'll meet you there.<br>
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01:17 < Ironholds> only if I'm allowed to bring a lighter.}}
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<pre>
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08:38:32 <Ironholds>    ...you've been talking to my ex, haven't you? ;p
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08:39:16 *      sonia neither confirms nor denies this.
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08:40:00 <Ironholds>    well, if you have, tell her she's a bitch and I hope she gets cat AIDS
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08:41:16 <Ironholds>    and if you have not, avoid her
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08:41:24 <Ironholds>    she's a despicable human being, and that's ME saying that
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08:45:41 <Ironholds>    sonia: what?
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08:46:37 <Ironholds>    sonia: we dated for five years, from the age of 15. High-school sweethearts, as it were. Then I found out she'd spent those five years cheating on me, lying to me, being jealous of my female friends without ever telling me anything, the whole kit and kaboodle. And I was the one left fucked up. I think I'm fairly justified to wish harm upon her.
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08:46:47 <sonia> ...wow.
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08:47:38 <Ironholds>    and when I say "lying to me"
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08:47:58 <Ironholds>    I mean "when things went bad, she assured me that we'd try our best to fix stuff, then spent 5 months planning how to dump me without saying a word"
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08:48:25 <Ironholds>    it finally came to a head when we were out on a date one day and I went "things are getting better, right?" and she turned to me and went "yup. You know I'm still dumping you, right?"
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</pre>
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==Wikipedia vandalism==
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{{quote|1=the current record for penis size is 80 foot by Oliver Keyes.|2=[http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Human_penis_size&diff=prev&oldid=46470687 IP 80.177.10.254]|3=totally not Ironholds' IP}}
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During [[wikipedia:Wikipedia:Arbitration/Requests/Case/Kiefer.Wolfowitz and Ironholds|his recent Arbcom case]], it was [http://wikipediocracy.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=56274#p56274 revealed] that Ironholds has been vandalizing Wikipedia for years. By [http://wikimania2012.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=Google_Reception&diff=prev&oldid=32746 Ironholds forgetting to sign], Ironholds exposes his IP as 80.177.10.254. [http://simple.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User_talk:Fr33kman&diff=prev&oldid=2933618 This edit] at Simple English Wikipedia shows Ironholds abusing a Simple English user he does not like. [http://meta.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=User_talk:Ottava_Rima&diff=prev&oldid=2790553 Here], Ironholds vandalizes Ottava Rima's user talk page at the Meta wiki.
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<center>
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{{morphquote|Ironholds|background-color: lightgray;|font-weight: bold;
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|Fr33kman, you really are a fucking moron. How the hell did you ever get any kind of technical privileges? "simple English Wikipedia" does not translate as "Wikipedia for English simpletons".|Fr33kman's talk page at [[Simple Wikipedia]].
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|all together now, *twaaaaaaat*|Remember, this man now works for the Wikimedia Foundation.
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|after being shown to be an astounding cunt, and I will be gone for at least the duration of finishing my real life work - or until I decide that my return will get me, the gawping narcissistic camera-slut that I am, sufficient attention.|Vandalism to Ottava Rima's Meta-wiki userpage
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|the current record for penis size is 80 foot by Oliver Keyes.|From 2006. His more recent vandalism is less penis oriented
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}}</center>
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For a complete list of Ironholds' vandalism and sockpuppetry, see [http://tools.wmflabs.org/guc/?user=80.177.10.254 this link].
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==That "serial killer" Look==
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[[File:Ironholds wtf.jpg|center|500px]]
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==That "I suck a lot of cocks" Look==
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[[File:Ironholdsbbq.jpg|center|500px]]
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==See also==
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*[http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Don%27t_be_a_dick lol irony]
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*[[The Cavalry]] - Another self-absorbed cunt
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*[[hipcrime]] - Who he hates
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== External links ==
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*'''[[wikipedia:Wikipedia:Arbitration/Requests/Case/Kiefer.Wolfowitz and Ironholds|Ironholds v Kiefer.Wolfowitz ArbCom case]]''', in which a regular editor gets banned, but the abusive staffer does not
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* [http://wikipediocracy.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=2572 ''Wikipediocracy'']
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* [http://wikipediareview.com/index.php?showtopic=35687&pid=289785&mode=threaded&show=&st=& IRC shenanigans at ''The Wikipedia Review'']
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* [http://wikipediareview.com/index.php?showtopic=26748 Ironholds is a backstabber]
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* [[Wikipedia:User:Okeyes (WMF)|Okeyes (WMF)]], for [[Wikimedia Foundation]] shit
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* [http://uk.wikimedia.org/wiki/Microgrants/Copyright_law Buy my textbooks for me kthx].
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* [http://wikipediareview.com/index.php?showtopic=27575 Ironholds' as Mentifisto] at [[Wikipedia Review]]. This is Ironholds' idea of "trolling".
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*[http://blog.ironholds.org/ His blog] (copy and paste the link if it doesn't work)
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*{{twitter|quominus|His Twitter}}
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*[http://www.csmonitor.com/World/Backchannels/2013/0801/In-UK-rising-chorus-of-outrage-over-online-misogyny Old media takes notice of Keyes' behavior]
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=== Seven [[RFA]]s ===
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* [[Wikipedia:Wikipedia:Requests for adminship/O Keyes|First request]] as [[Wikipedia:User talk:O keyes|O Keyes]]
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* [[Wikipedia:Wikipedia:Requests for adminship/O Keyes 2|Second request]]
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* [[Wikipedia:Wikipedia:Requests for adminship/Ironholds|Third request]] after changing his username to [[Wikipedia:User:Ironholds|Ironholds]]
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* [[Wikipedia:Wikipedia:Requests for adminship/Ironholds 2|Fourth request]]
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* [[Wikipedia:Wikipedia:Requests for adminship/Ironholds 3|Fifth request]]
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* [[Wikipedia:Wikipedia:Requests for adminship/Ironholds 4|Sixth request]]
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* [[Wikipedia:Wikipedia:Requests for adminship/Ironholds 5|Seventh time]]'s the charm!
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{{wikipedia}}
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{{aspies}}
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{{Timeline|Featured article June 18 & 19 [[2012]]|[[Ripper]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Old /b/ Day]]}}
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{{Timeline|Featured article July 20 & 21, [[2013]]|[[s4s/|/s4s/]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Bug Chasers]]}}
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[[Category:People]]
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</pre>
Badmachine
372

edits

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