Beverly Hurlock and the Dairy Queen - Revision history

MyWikiBiz: Protected "Beverly Hurlock and the Dairy Queen": Respecting author's wishes ([Edit=Allow only administrators] (indefinite) [Move=Allow only administrators] (indefinite))

2015-01-29T03:05:36Z

Protected "Beverly Hurlock and the Dairy Queen": Respecting author's wishes ([Edit=Allow only administrators] (indefinite) [Move=Allow only administrators] (indefinite))

MyWikiBiz: Complaint only

2015-01-29T03:03:43Z

Complaint only

MyWikiBiz: /* Legal translation */ "in" Iola, Kansas

2008-07-24T16:36:26Z

Legal translation: "in" Iola, Kansas

MyWikiBiz: Create new page to preserve archived work by David J. Kohs for ''American Cynic''

2008-07-24T16:28:10Z

Create new page to preserve archived work by David J. Kohs for ''American Cynic''

New page

== Hurlock's complaint==
''Complaints.com'' received the following consumer message on August 18, 2002:

<blockquote>From: Jerry & '''Beverly Hurlock''' [jhurloc@cox.net]

*RE: Dairy Queen, Iola, Kansas - asked for replacement of Blizzard and treated very, very terribly by a store manager
 
Last night, 8/17/02, my husband got me a snickers blizzard with extra, extra snickers in it. When he got it home and I started to eat it, I noticed that it didn't have hardly any snickers in it. I put it in the freezer to return today, 8/18/02, because it was closed by then.

Today I called them and told them what the problem was, and said I would like to have a replacement. They said to come up and they would make me one.

When I got there, they had to call their manager. I waited patiently and quietly for the manager to arrive. When she finally did, about 15 minutes later, she asked me what the problem was. I explained about the blizzard not being what I ordered.

The manager grabbed the blizzard out of my hands, shoved it right in my face and said, Are you a crazy blind fool? This has plenty of candy in it!

What the hell are you doing in here? Get the hell out of here and don't ever darken this doorway again. Then she shoved the blizzard into my hand, opened the door and literally shoved me out the door cussing at me.

I was completely surprised and so humiliated. The place was full of people and they were all looking at me. She made me feel like a criminal, a fool, the lowest dregs of the earth.

This is not right. I want something done about this. I did not do anything except ask for a replacement.

Please get back to me about this incident. I live in Iola, Kansas, which is where the dairy queen is also located.

Thank you
Beverly Hurlock</blockquote>

==Legal translation==

Attorney David J. Kohs analyzed this case, the results of which are published exclusively here on MyWikiBiz.com for the reader's enjoyment. 

'''From: Jerry & Beverly Hurlock [jhurloc@cox.net]'''

:Translation: ''Contrary to the implication of the "from" address, I don't think Jerry Hurlock had any hand whatsoever in placing this formal complaint. As a matter of fact, he is likely the chief cause of the problem (see below). At best, Beverly has access to Jerry's "jhurloc" e-mail account -- a quite likely scenario, given her unquestioned ability to compel Jerry to run out in the middle of the night to procure her a Snickers Blizzard.''

----

'''RE: Dairy Queen, Iola, Kansas - asked for replacement of Blizzard and treated very, very terribly by a store manager'''

:Translation: ''A very, very distinctive "regarding" clause. Further analysis would be redundant.''

----

'''Last night, 8/17/02, my husband got me a snickers blizzard with extra, extra snickers in it.'''

:Translation: ''Notice that Jerry did not "surprise" Beverly with a Snickers Blizzard, or even "buy" one for her. Rather, he "got" it for Beverly -- obviously as a result of her direct command. And at that, where else could he have been going to in Iola, Kansas just before the Dairy Queen closed? Notice, infra, that Beverly had nothing better to do the following morning then to venture out to replace the Snickers Blizzard. She obviously does not work, so one could question why she didn't just go get the Blizzard herself, particularly after Jerry had put in a full day at the feed store. I would leave it to the reader to speculate as to Beverly's weight, and whether she spends way too much time watching Home Shopping Network.''

----

'''When he got it home and I started to eat it, I noticed that it didn't have hardly any snickers in it.'''

:Translation: ''To which Beverly immediately interrogated Jerry as to whether he had ordered an "extra, extra" Snickers Blizzard. Therein lies the genesis of our cruel saga. Jerry, never one to make a fuss, had merely ordered for a "Snickers Blizzard". Legitimately in fear of his wife, and wanting to preserve next Saturday's scheduled afternoon of bass fishing, Jerry sheepishly answered "yes" in response to his wife's questioning.''

----

'''I put it in the freezer to return today, 8/18/02, because it was closed by then.'''

:Translation: ''Now here is where I need to admire Beverly's fortitude. I can honestly say I would not have the willpower to place a perfectly good Blizzard in the freezer, awaiting morning replacement, merely because its candy content was not quite up to par. Accordingly, some issue does exist as to whether, if Beverly is indeed overweight, it is merely as the result of a glandular condition.''

----

'''Today I called them and told them what the problem was, and said I would like to have a replacement. They said to come up and they would make me one.'''

:Translation: ''Did Beverly get any sleep that night?''

----

'''When I got there, they had to call their manager. I waited patiently and quietly for the manager to arrive. When she finally did, about 15 minutes later, she asked me what the problem was. I explained about the blizzard not being what I ordered.'''

:Translation: ''Beverly did not wait patiently. Having refused to eat the Snickers Blizzard the night before, specifically preserved the evidence, and undertaken an early morning trip to replace the defective item, this is simply not possible.''

----

'''The manager grabbed the blizzard out of my hands, shoved it right in my face and said, Are you a crazy blind fool? This has plenty of candy in it!'''

:Translation: ''Unless the rules are substantially different Iola, Kansas, I cannot imagine anyone, even in the height of rage, calling anyone a "crazy blind fool". Regardless, and in defense of the manager, her point of reference was almost certainly to a Snickers Blizzard, and not an "extra, extra" Snickers Blizzard.''

----

'''What the hell are you doing in here? Get the hell out of here and don't ever darken this doorway again. Then she shoved the blizzard into my hand, opened the door and literally shoved me out the door cussing at me.'''

:Translation: ''When one uses the term "literally", it invariably means it didn't really happen. This is similar to usage of the terms "honestly" and "frankly".''

----

'''I was completely surprised and so humiliated. The place was full of people and they were all looking at me. She made me feel like a criminal, a fool, the lowest dregs of the earth. This is not right. I want something done about this. I did not do anything except ask for a replacement.'''

:Translation: ''The foregoing analysis is not to suggest that the manager handled the incident properly. Despite Jerry's obvious gaffe, Beverly was, and is still is, entitled to an entire cupful of Snickers bits.''

----

'''Please get back to me about this incident. I live in Iola, Kansas, which is where the dairy queen is also located.'''

:Translation: ''And you can bet she'll be there to receive your call.''

----

'''Thank you'''
'''Beverly Hurlock'''

:Translation: ''Although having no hand whatsoever in the original complaint, Jerry is now fervently hoping that SOMETHING is done, so he is not questioned further regarding the incident. And preferably before his scheduled afternoon of bass fishing.''
 
==Human interest note==
The legal translation provided above by Mr. Kohs was authored merely a few weeks after he underwent a major surgery to remove an acoustic neuroma that left him entirely deaf in one ear.
 
[[Category:Humor]]

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:03, 29 January 2015
Line 25:		Line 25:
	Beverly Hurlock</blockquote>		Beverly Hurlock</blockquote>

−	~~==Legal translation==~~

−	~~Attorney David J. Kohs analyzed this case, the results of which are published exclusively here on MyWikiBiz.com for the reader's enjoyment. <br><br><br>~~

−	~~'''From: Jerry & Beverly Hurlock [jhurloc@cox.net]'''~~
−
−	:Translation: ''Contrary to the implication of the "from" address, I don't think Jerry Hurlock had any hand whatsoever in placing this formal complaint. As a matter of fact, he is likely the chief cause of the problem (see below). At best, Beverly has access to Jerry's "jhurloc" e-mail account -- a quite likely scenario, given her unquestioned ability to compel Jerry to run out in the middle of the night to procure her a Snickers Blizzard.''
−
−	~~----~~
−
−	~~'''RE: Dairy Queen, Iola, Kansas - asked for replacement of Blizzard and treated very, very terribly by a store manager'''~~
−
−	~~:Translation: ''A very, very distinctive "regarding" clause. Further analysis would be redundant.''~~
−
−	~~----~~
−
−	~~'''Last night, 8/17/02, my husband got me a snickers blizzard with extra, extra snickers in it.'''~~
−
−	:Translation: ''Notice that Jerry did not "surprise" Beverly with a Snickers Blizzard, or even "buy" one for her. Rather, he "got" it for Beverly -- obviously as a result of her direct command. And at that, where else could he have been going to in Iola, Kansas just before the Dairy Queen closed? Notice, infra, that Beverly had nothing better to do the following morning then to venture out to replace the Snickers Blizzard. She obviously does not work, so one could question why she didn't just go get the Blizzard herself, particularly after Jerry had put in a full day at the feed store. I would leave it to the reader to speculate as to Beverly's weight, and whether she spends way too much time watching Home Shopping Network.''
−
−	~~----~~
−
−	~~'''When he got it home and I started to eat it, I noticed that it didn't have hardly any snickers in it.'''~~
−
−	:Translation: ''To which Beverly immediately interrogated Jerry as to whether he had ordered an "extra, extra" Snickers Blizzard. Therein lies the genesis of our cruel saga. Jerry, never one to make a fuss, had merely ordered for a "Snickers Blizzard". Legitimately in fear of his wife, and wanting to preserve next Saturday's scheduled afternoon of bass fishing, Jerry sheepishly answered "yes" in response to his wife's questioning.''
−
−	~~----~~
−
−	~~'''I put it in the freezer to return today, 8/18/02, because it was closed by then.'''~~
−
−	:Translation: ''Now here is where I need to admire Beverly's fortitude. I can honestly say I would not have the willpower to place a perfectly good Blizzard in the freezer, awaiting morning replacement, merely because its candy content was not quite up to par. Accordingly, some issue does exist as to whether, if Beverly is indeed overweight, it is merely as the result of a glandular condition.''
−
−	~~----~~
−
−	~~'''Today I called them and told them what the problem was, and said I would like to have a replacement. They said to come up and they would make me one.'''~~
−
−	~~:Translation: ''Did Beverly get any sleep that night?''~~
−
−	~~----~~
−
−	'''When I got there, they had to call their manager. I waited patiently and quietly for the manager to arrive. When she finally did, about 15 minutes later, she asked me what the problem was. I explained about the blizzard not being what I ordered.'''
−
−	:Translation: ''Beverly did not wait patiently. Having refused to eat the Snickers Blizzard the night before, specifically preserved the evidence, and undertaken an early morning trip to replace the defective item, this is simply not possible.''
−
−	~~----~~
−
−	~~'''The manager grabbed the blizzard out of my hands, shoved it right in my face and said, Are you a crazy blind fool? This has plenty of candy in it!'''~~
−
−	:Translation: ''Unless the rules are substantially different in Iola, Kansas, I cannot imagine anyone, even in the height of rage, calling anyone a "crazy blind fool". Regardless, and in defense of the manager, her point of reference was almost certainly to a Snickers Blizzard, and not an "extra, extra" Snickers Blizzard.''
−
−	~~----~~
−
−	'''What the hell are you doing in here? Get the hell out of here and don't ever darken this doorway again. Then she shoved the blizzard into my hand, opened the door and literally shoved me out the door cussing at me.'''
−
−	~~:Translation: ''When one uses the term "literally", it invariably means it didn't really happen. This is similar to usage of the terms "honestly" and "frankly".''~~
−
−	~~----~~
−
−	'''I was completely surprised and so humiliated. The place was full of people and they were all looking at me. She made me feel like a criminal, a fool, the lowest dregs of the earth. This is not right. I want something done about this. I did not do anything except ask for a replacement.'''
−
−	:Translation: ''The foregoing analysis is not to suggest that the manager handled the incident properly. Despite Jerry's obvious gaffe, Beverly was, and is still is, entitled to an entire cupful of Snickers bits.''
−
−	~~----~~
−
−	~~'''Please get back to me about this incident. I live in Iola, Kansas, which is where the dairy queen is also located.'''~~
−
−	~~:Translation: ''And you can bet she'll be there to receive your call.''~~
−
−	~~----~~
−
−	~~'''Thank you'''~~
−	~~'''Beverly Hurlock'''~~
−
−	:Translation: ''Although having no hand whatsoever in the original complaint, Jerry is now fervently hoping that SOMETHING is done, so he is not questioned further regarding the incident. And preferably before his scheduled afternoon of bass fishing.''
−	~~<br><br>~~
−
−	~~==Human interest note==~~
−	~~The legal translation provided above by Mr. Kohs was authored merely a few weeks after he underwent a major surgery to remove an acoustic neuroma that left him entirely deaf in one ear.~~
−	~~<br><br><br>~~
	[[Category:Humor]]		[[Category:Humor]]

← Older revision	Revision as of 03:05, 29 January 2015
(No difference)

@@ Line 73: / Line 73: @@
 '''The manager grabbed the blizzard out of my hands, shoved it right in my face and said, Are you a crazy blind fool? This has plenty of candy in it!'''
-:Translation: ''Unless the rules are substantially different Iola, Kansas, I cannot imagine anyone, even in the height of rage, calling anyone a "crazy blind fool". Regardless, and in defense of the manager, her point of reference was almost certainly to a Snickers Blizzard, and not an "extra, extra" Snickers Blizzard.''
+:Translation: ''Unless the rules are substantially different in Iola, Kansas, I cannot imagine anyone, even in the height of rage, calling anyone a "crazy blind fool". Regardless, and in defense of the manager, her point of reference was almost certainly to a Snickers Blizzard, and not an "extra, extra" Snickers Blizzard.''
 ----
@@ Line 100: / Line 100: @@
 :Translation: ''Although having no hand whatsoever in the original complaint, Jerry is now fervently hoping that SOMETHING is done, so he is not questioned further regarding the incident. And preferably before his scheduled afternoon of bass fishing.''
 <br><br>
 ==Human interest note==
 The legal translation provided above by Mr. Kohs was authored merely a few weeks after he underwent a major surgery to remove an acoustic neuroma that left him entirely deaf in one ear.
 <br><br><br>
 [[Category:Humor]]